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( practice resurrection)

April 28, 2010

Six months ago I sat on a beach in a not so distant town and told God I needed Him to bring me to life. To practice resurrection in me. To resurrect my broken dreams, hope, and heart. I bought a card to open six months from that october day and wrote

” I think now you know. Seed in the scar”

I  opened that card today. I forgot those words. When I read them I cried. Because I do know now. I know there is a wholeness to the heart that comes only from being broken. There is a goodness  to God that we may  not understand until we have walked through the places and spaces where goodness seems absent. There is a beauty to life that grows from having it taken and given back. I know now that life grows in the most unexpected marred places.

When I first wrote those words I half believed that they would be the answer to what I asked. That Life would actually grow in dark spaces of my heart. That instead of living a half-life I would wake up to a beautiful one. Surprise, surprise, surprise, it happened. I only realized it on Resurrection Sunday ( how fitting). Somehow when I reached the end of myself  I stumbled/was lead into a beautiful life. A life I would have not known how to ask for all those months and years ago. A life brimming with goodness, beauty, baking, words, stories, a family of friends, dancing, late nights, laughter, joy, and steady love of a really good God. I would not have said this in the storm, but I am thankful for the heartbreak and dark days. I’m thankful for what they took and what they gave me. I’m thankful for the fertile ground they laid. I’m thankful for a God, as my friend Jill says, who wastes nothing, and grew/will continue to grow things in the new ground of my heart. I’m thankful for the movement of His grace and his infinite second chances. I’m thankful that He is in the business of practicing resurrection, in the business of bring dead things to life… my heart, hope, and dreams.

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